Comfortably Worn

Vintage Goodness - Day Five

2011-12-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

And now for something different! I do occasionally fall in love with things that are not glass. Like this nifty camera. It came complete with it's leather case, which was in pristine condition, but for the fact that the strap had worn through and broken off. The rest of the case looks brand new.

This is a Spartus Full-Vue camera, circa 1947 - 1950. It has a Bakelite case and gorgeous Art Deco detailing. Unfortunately, I can hear some glass moving inside, and I suspect one of the internal lenses has come loose. It still looks great in my craft room though, and reflects my love of scrapbooking and vintage photos.

Vintage Goodness - Day Four

2011-12-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

More kitschy goodness today, in the form of this little sweetie pie:

I can't tell you anything about her, since there are no markings on her anywhere. I had to have her though, because of her cute face, and those charming roses. Doesn't she have beautiful eyes?

Vintage Goodness - Day Three

2011-12-03T08:36:00.000-08:00

I decided to mix it up today, and not do another glass/kitchenware post. Today we're doing kitschy, and it doesn't get more kitschy than this:

Is she not the cutest little mademoiselle EVER? She lives in my craft room, overseeing everything from her perch on a shelf. She's what's known as a spaghetti poodle, because of the technique used to add texture to her legs, tail and ears. These poodles were often connected to their puppies by a chain attached to their collars. My poodle has the loop where the chain was at one time, but alas, no chain and no puppies. She's a bit of an empty nester like me! I've named her Monique.

Vintage Goodness - Day Two

2011-12-02T08:31:00.000-08:00

Here's some more Fostoria Americana - a set of four beautiful pedestal glasses. I don't know the correct name for them - I really need to get an identification guide so that I can start cataloging what I have, as well as finding out the proper names for all of the pieces.

Won't these be pretty filled with fruit salad or an ice cream sundae? I picked them up on the same day that I found the ice bucket I showed you yesterday.

Vintage Goodness

2011-12-01T08:31:00.000-08:00

I have been finding some wonderful vintage pieces lately! A new thrift store has opened up here in town, and I seem to find something wonderful every time I go in. I am always on the lookout for pieces to add to my collection of Fostoria Americana depression glass, as well as other kitschy things that may catch my eye. For the next few days, I'll share some of what I have found.

This little beauty is a Fostoria Americana ice bucket. So sweet! Yes, I absoulutely DO use these pieces! For me, life is a special occasion, and you should have all of the beauty you can find in each day. I can envision this ice bucket holding lots of things - perhaps even ice! Wouldn't it be gorgeous filled with Christmas ornaments? Guest soaps? Greenery?

Fred - Fred the Dog

2011-09-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

Last week my husband David left a pile of clothing on the couch for me to take to the dry cleaner. Which I did. I picked it up the other day. David carried it upstairs to the bedroom, and a minute later he called me in. He was in the closet, where he removed a hanger from his row of freshly cleaned and pressed

laundry. "Since when do we send this out to be dry cleaned?" he asked. I stared at the object for a minute. It looked familiar, but I couldn't place it right away. And then I did. "That's Fred's blanket!" Fred is our dog. Who, apparently, deciding that his fleece blanket needed some freshening and TLC that I was unable to provide in our washer at home, put it in the pile with David's laundry. Which I then dropped off at the cleaners. And there it was, pristine and neatly folded on a hanger. I laughed until I cried, imagining what the folks at the cleaner's thought when they came across it, and then how they went ahead and cleaned it. I didn't get an itemized receipt, so I don't know what they charge to clean a dog blankie. But they did do a nice job.

I have some more shirts to be dropped off today. I'll be sure to ask Fred if he has anything that needs to go.

How cute is this?

2011-08-28T06:12:00.001-07:00

My friend Kristen (who knows how much I love cute nails) sent me a bunch of pictures from Polyvore featuring amazing manicures. This is one of my favorites. I really like the look of combining more than one design in a manicure, and this one is so cottage/retro/feminine that it just makes me sigh and smile.

nails | Tumblr (clipped to polyvore.com)

These Things I Know...

2011-08-01T06:59:00.000-07:00

The title of this post imposes some pretty strict limits, since I don't know as much as I used to think I did. I do know some things though, and I thought I might share them with you. Most of them were learned the hard way. That seems to be the way I tend to do things. It sure will pound the lesson home.

1. Life is short. Yep, no matter how long it is, it's short. Ask the guy who is 99 and 364 days if 100 years is long enough. Chances are he'd like another few years. What to do with this knowledge? Here are my suggestions:

tell people you love them. Tell them every day, and SHOW them - don't just mouth the words. Mean them and let people see that you do.
decide what you want out of life and go get it. Don't tell yourself you are too old, or that the thing you want will take too long to get. So what if it takes ten years? In ten years' time you'll be ten years older and you'll either have the thing you wanted or you won't. That time will have passed either way.
Be nice. Compliment people you don't know - they could probably use it. Smile more. Laugh as much as you can. Talk to strangers. (Not the creepy ones.) You will learn fascinating things.

2. You cannot make people change. You can only change yourself. I learned this one at Al-Anon. It seems like such a simple thing - you'd think everyone would know it. I didn't, and once I heard it and really took it in, it made a profound change in my life. Are you waiting for someone in your life to change? Stop. Stop right now. If you have told them that their behavior is a problem for you, and they choose to continue that behavior, YOU need to decide what YOU will do. Your options are: a) live with it, or b) choose NOT to live with it. I know - not as easy as it sounds. This might involve a huge life change on YOUR part, and that change could be painful. Weigh the costs and benefits and decide. By the way - if you choose option a) - please shut up and stop whining about it. Everyone else is probably tired of hearing you complain when you never do anything to change your situation.

3. Cake is good. (Yeah, I know more stuff, but I thought I'd end on a light note!)

Happy Birthday, Bill!

2011-04-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

Today is my little brother Bill's birthday. He knows how old he is, but I can't tell the rest of you because I will be seeing him soon, and I am sure his retaliation would be fearsome. The best I can hope for when he LIKES me is to get my face licked when I am expecting a brotherly kiss instead.

Who am I kidding? I am not afraid of you, William Alfred Ineson Jr.! Ha! You are 47 years old today!!! So there! And..... (throwing caution to the wind....) take THIS:

Bwahahahaha! (feeling really giddy right now)

Oh, Lord. What have I done?

Happy Birthday, Bill! (I love you!)

Here we go again!

2011-04-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

So, a few weeks ago I was seeing my oncologist, Dr. Naidu for a routine visit. While we were chatting, he asked me if I was still blogging, and I told him "not really". He asked me why, and I told him that I didn't think people were as interested in my life while cancer was in remission as they were when it was not. He said "Oh, I don't think that's the case at all." Hmm.

Well, Dr. Naidu is a pretty smart guy, and I have not gone wrong thus far in following his advice, so I guess I'll give "healthy blogging" a shot. I warn you in advance - I don't think I am all that interesting, but you can read at your own risk. If nothing else, this blog may help you to wean yourself off of any sleep aids you may be taking.

See my new plate?

2010-08-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

Isn't it pretty? I found it at TJ Maxx yesterday on clearance for $3.00. This plate and the cherries I got the other day at Target are inspiring a red and white china hutch decor.

Here are the cherries - in a container I also found at TJ Maxx for $3.99. It has a little chip at the top, so I turned it so that the chip was on the side - you can't even see it!

I commented that this middle section was looking a little empty and my friend Heather suggested I hang a picture there. I am shopping the house to see what I can find.

Here are some more of my treasures: an old Better Homes & Gardens Cook Book that fits the color scheme, my vintage typewriter, a pitcher I got years ago on clearance for $4.00 and my pretty mama bird with her baby - a gift from my friend Crickett.

Here's the whole thing... for now. I don't think I'm done tweaking yet. On the dining room table, you can also see the pretty Farberware wooden napkin holder I also found at TJ Max for um.. I think it was $3.99.

Anyhow... that's my project for the day - hope you like it! (I'll share a picture of my fabulous new "retro" melamine butter dish later!)

Katherine

2010-08-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

My daughter Katherine has had the gift of making people laugh since she was a little girl. Funny just seems to fall out of her mouth. My friend Michele used to ask me every morning when I went to work "What did Katherine say today?"

Turning 18 and becoming an adult has not made her less funny. She continues to amuse me on an almost daily basis.

The other day, we visited a local bakery. Katherine loves their elephant ears and wanted me to get some. The only ones they had were chocolate dipped. The shopkeeper explained that in order to get plain ones, you needed to order them 24 hours in advance.

Later, at home, Katherine expressed her disappointment as only Katherine can.

"I just don't understand why their default setting is chocolate."

I think she needs to step away from the computer for a bit. And I need to call Michele.

Harvest Time

2010-08-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

I love harvest time... the anticipation of bringing in the homegrown treats you've worked so hard to grow all through the Spring. Hoping the weather holds while you bring in the fruits of your labor, and dreaming of all of the wonderful things you'll make with your bounty.

Soon, that glorious produce will fill this bowl:

I can hardly wait!

Hmm.

The Last Chemo

2010-05-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, I had my last chemo treatment. Today, I dragged myself out of bed at 10:38 and managed to be showered and dressed by 12:45. To say that I am having a rough time is putting it mildly. This last session (pardon my French) has kicked my ass. My throat burns like someone stuck a lit torch down it. My stomach has been very unhappy, as has the rest of my digestive system. Enough said about that. And I am so tired that the least bit of exertion has me wanting a nap. Or a good cry. Sometimes both. But I am finished. Thank the Lord. I couldn't sleep Tuesday night; my stomach was too upset to let me relax until well after 1:00 am. David talked with me for a long time, although I know he wanted to sleep. I had lots of thoughts I wanted to share, and I will when I have the energy. For now, though, some rest and recovery time.

On Aging

2010-04-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

There are several birthdays coming up among our family members and friends, including some milestone ones. A good friend of mine is turning forty this month and I will be fifty in June.

David and I attended his uncle's funeral on Sunday. And my neighbor (one I haven't seen in a while) just told me her daughter passed away in December at the age of 52.

All of that has made me think about growing older and it's alternative.

Turning thirty was weird. It was a number that just didn't feel like who I was. And forty? Ha! Forty implied a wisdom and maturity that I did not possess. I felt like an impostor. Like someone was going to check my Grownup Card any minute and find out it was a forgery. Both numbers also brought a kind of horrified fascination - "I'm HOW old?"

Fifty, however, ushers in a whole new kind of feeling. Joyousness. Delight. Gratitude. It's a fullness. A sense of ... not completion, but satisfaction in a job relatively well done thus far. Sure, I have made mistakes. Big, hairy, ugly ones. I have not been the person I would like to have been. And at times I have enjoyed the sins I have committed, yes I have. But... I'm still here, hopefully becoming a better person every day, and enjoying the treasures I have stored up along the way.

I have raised a child to adulthood; one who seems to be to be pretty normal, given that she has inherited my sense of humor and love of sarcasm and chocolate. One who doesn't hate me or blame me for any psychological damage I may have inadvertently caused her through my ignorance or ineptitude. In fact, I rather think she likes me. I like her too.

I have friends. Ones that I can discuss anything with; ones that I say "I love you" to, and they say it back. Frequently. And we mean it. And we unashamedly hug and kiss each other pretty much every time we meet and get great joy from it. I can literally feel the love radiating from these women. I hope they feel it too. They know my moods, put up with my quirks (like my hatred of the telephone and my crankiness) and still want to spend time with me. If I ask them "Do I look fat in this?" they will tell me the truth, because they honestly do not want to see me going somewhere looking fat. Over the past year, they have forced me to open up and talk when I thought I wanted to keep things to myself. And it has been good for me. It has reminded me that it's okay to lean on other people sometimes. It feels good. To the leaner and the lean-ee. (I know... that's not a word.)

I have a husband. An amazing, wonderful husband of nearly thirteen years. How could I possibly be unhappy about getting older when each day I grow older is another day that I get to spend with him?

Life is an amazing gift from God, and birthdays are an annual celebration of that gift. Come June, I intend to rip the paper off that gift with abandon and fling it in the air, thanking God for one more year. Go do some celebrating of your own. Life is short. Enjoy.

Last one?

2010-03-04T07:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's chemo may have been my last one! Next week when I see Dr. N, we'll schedule another PET scan and see what we find. We'd talked about doing two more sessions just to be on the safe side, but we're going to defer any decision making about that until after we see the results of the scan.

I had a chance to talk to Dr. N yesterday. He is hesitant to do the other two chemo sessions because I'm having so much pain with the neuropathy caused by the Vincristine. I told him I do NOT want my pain to be a factor in doing or not doing the chemo. If he feels another two sessions would be beneficial, I want to do them. He agreed to wait and look at the PET scan results before making any decision. I love that he is concerned about my pain, but I have my eye on the prize - a longer remission. I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I can push through the pain. Rashan said I was a warrior. Maybe I am.

I asked him if the neuropathy would go away after chemo. He said "probably". Ahh.... as always, there are no definites when dealing with cancer. Just "probablys" and "hopefullys". I'm learning to deal better with this. I have always been someone who wants to be in control of everything. I was never comfortable without a definite plan. I'm the one who wants to know where we are going, when we will get there, what we'll do while we are there and when we will be leaving. God is using cancer to cure me of this. To learn to let go of my need to be in control and to lean on Him. He is the only definite in my life. He is in control and He wants what is best for me - always.

Speaking of Rashan - my friend and trainer (back in the day when I was in the gym four days a week - BC - before cancer) - he stopped by to see me on Sunday. I apologized for not being in the gym and he told me he understood. He said he'd be there for me when I was able to get back. I told him he'd better be - we had an important job to do - get me strong and ready for my relapse and stem cell transplant. I need to be as healthy and fit as possible when it's time. Whenever that is. And then, post-transplant, we'll have to do it all again. I need to start getting my head back in the game as soon as possible. Rashan asked me if I was keeping God in my life and I told him that I am. It would be impossible to get through this without Him. We shared a good hard hug - there are few things more healing than a hug from a friend. Thanks, Rashan!

Wow... this is turning into a novel, but bear with me - I think I'm almost done.

I'm dragging today after chemo. I had to take some of my anti-nausea medicine last night - fortunately it worked. I'm really tired today and my throat is burning - a new symptom, but I think it's from the chemo. I will look it up later, but I think the Cytoxan can do that.

David told me to go ahead and send Fred to daycare today - we both need that. He needs to work off some energy, and I need to have some quiet time where I do NOT have to throw the ball or play blankie or type one-handed with 15 lbs of very warm dog on my lap, or run downstairs every 15 minutes when he blatantly lies to me and says he needs to go out when what he really wants is a carrot. I love him, but he is a typical two year old, and this mom badly needed a break today.

I'm planning to have coffee tonight with my sisters of the heart, so I'm trying to conserve energy today. I'm GOING to have coffee even if I have to lay on their laps while I drink it. And you know what - they'd let me 'cause that's how much they love me. And I love them right back. Bunches.

Focused prayer requests:

energy and relief from pain and nausea
a good clean PET scan
that I would stop looking at the kitchen timer to see who is calling when the phone rings :::shaking head:::: forget about that one - I don't think it's likely that will change.

Have a seat!

2010-03-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

Yep, have a seat - 'cause I'm going to be sitting too! I think this last chemo hit harder than the ones before it, or just built on the damage that the others had done. I find myself really tired, weak and worn out. I'm sitting down to do pretty much everything now... folding laundry, cooking. I was sitting on the floor at the library the other day picking out books - there were some good ones down there on the bottom shelves!

My exercise regimen consists of me dragging myself from one room to the next, doing whatever chores I can perform while sitting down (or standing for brief periods of time - like to make the bed) and then resting before I tackle the next chore. I'm not really able to walk Fred any more; I just don't have the energy. David and Katherine have been good about doing that, and his dog daycare has been a Godsend - a wonderful place to help him blow off some of that excess energy. He is learning that if he wants me to play ball now, he has to come and put the ball into my hand so I can throw it. I think he's a little frustrated that he can't just throw it in my direction any more, but he's being understanding.

I'm not sleeping well lately - I'm having pretty severe pains in my legs at night, and they wake me up about once an hour or so. The ankle that I broke 10 years ago is hurting now too - throbbing worse than when I broke it. I think it's the Vincristine attacking the weak and already damaged areas. I would love to get another epidural, but insurance has denied the last one so we are fighting them on that. I'm not going to be getting another one until/unless we can get them paid for. I'm taking the pain meds that the orthopedic surgeon prescribed, and they're helping a little. I just don't want to keep taking them for the long term.

Thank goodness for Lowe's Foods - I can do my grocery shopping online and have David pick it up on his way home - it's already bagged and waiting for him. I found a coupon code online and didn't have to pay the fee for the service - a nice savings.

Only three more chemo sessions to go - my next one is tomorrow and Wednesday. I'll have another PET scan after that, and if all is well, then two more chemo sessions and I am finished!!!

Focused prayer requests:

clear PET scan
remission
relief from pain
successful appeal of insurance claim for epidural

Top Ten Things People Talk About at the House of Chemo

2010-02-11T06:50:00.000-08:00

in no particular order...

How many sessions of chemo have you had?
Are you doing radiation?
Have you lost your hair?
Diarrhea or constipation?
What's your diagnosis?
What's your chemo regimen?
Do you hate these new needles, or what? (The FDA just recalled our old ones - to make them safer for our healthcare providers) We all hate them, nurses and patients together. It feels like they're pushing a dull stick into your port.
What surgeries/procedures have you had lately?
It's freezing in here. (It has to be cold in the room where they mix our chemo, so it's pretty much cold everywhere. They have lots of blankets at the House of Chemo)
How are your family/friends handling this? How are you handling how your family/friends are handling this? (We do not talk about this in front of the rest of you. Cancer takes you to a place that no one else can follow. Unfortunately.)
How come these magazines are from 2004? (okay, that was eleven things)

Does this sound sad? It's not, really. Not most of the time. You would be surprised at how much we laugh at the House. We laugh about this being one of the only places on earth where you will discuss your bowel health with people you have never met before and not even think twice about it. We laugh because anywhere else it would be rude to ask someone if they'd lost their hair, but here it's routine. You make instant friends here, and you are delighted for them when they finish their final treatment. They will come back and look for you when they have their blood checked, and you'll hug and kiss like long lost friends. You'll talk with people you never would have looked at twice before. Cancer is a bonding experience, and a great leveler of the playing field. It knows no color, no socio-economic status. It gets the pretty people and the not-so-pretty people; the young and the old. It brings us together in ways we never could have imagined. I thank God for the people I have met here; for what they have shared with me and for the prayers we exchange for one another. For giving me opportunities on a regular basis to help someone who is having a harder time than I am. For allowing me to open a door for someone, or to tell a first-timer that there's nothing to be afraid of when they sit down in that chemo chair; that it will be okay. That we're all here to support one another. That they are not alone.

Is this boring for anyone else, or is it just me?

2010-02-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

I know... I haven't done a blog post in a while. Mostly because my cancer is not all that interesting to me, and I haven't been able to think of anything to write. I'm mostly just getting on with life. But... let's recap what has happened since my last post.

My second PET scan "showed significant reduction" in my cancer. Yay! Again... one of those things I should be happier about but can't really seem to work up the enthusiasm. Yes, I am glad to have the good news.... but no I am not happy to have cancer. Yes, I am not going to die any time soon unless I get hit by a bus... but no, this is never going away. It's incurable. Like a tattoo, I will carry it around with me for the rest of my life. Unlike a tattoo, it will not sag and look ridiculous. I guess there's something positive in that.

My epidural worked well... and now it's not working any more. I'll be calling the surgeon to get another one scheduled. I'm trying to decide if I should do that now, or wait until it gets a little worse. Talked to my oncologist, Dr. N yesterday, and he thinks we should wait a little bit, but not too long. I don't want to be incapacitated again, but if I can stretch it out a bit more, I might want to do that. I'm dragging my right foot again, and the neuropathy seems to be getting a bit worse. I'm going to give it another week and see where we are then.

I can't remember if I told you (chemo brain) that Dr. N reduced my Vincristine dose last time because of the pain from neuropathy. Well, he did. He asked me last week what I thought about bumping it back up, and I said we should go for it. So we did. (I love that he asks... I feel like I am an active participant in my treatment.) I had the chemo today, so we'll soon see what happens. That may be a factor in my epidural and how long I wait to schedule it.

This Friday, David and I will go to Greenville to meet with Dr. S, who does stem cell transplants. The plan is that I will go into remission from this treatment cycle, and then when I relapse again, we may do an autologous stem cell transplant. That means that they will harvest my stem cells to use. This will (may) happen at some unknown point in the future. No one really knows how long my remission will last. Dr. N says a year to 18 months would be a "good, long remission period" for me. I'm hoping and praying that it's longer, but only God really knows. It's hard to pray for God's will when you want him to cure you, but that's what I am doing. I have to trust that He has a plan for me, and it's better than any plan I could come up with on my own. I think David prays for a miracle. That would be nice. As long as it fits in with the plan.

I have been blessed. I still have my hair, and according to Crickett, who is my sweet, sweet friend and stylist, it is not coming out. So, I will invest in some hair color. And then if it falls out, I'm gonna make her glue it back on.

I have also not been sick even once. I have thought I might have felt it coming on a couple of times, but I popped one of the anti-nausea pills they gave me, and I felt fine. I might pop one when I finish this post. It's either chemo related nausea, or too many chicken wings.

That's the other thing. I was looking forward to being slightly gaunt from chemo. You know, just gaunt enough that people would say "You know, you could stand to gain a few pounds." Not "Oh my gosh, are you SICK?" Chemo chic, I call it. Well, it's not happening. Instead, I am now taking THREE drugs that increase my appetite or cause weight gain. I have rolled right off of the Weight Watchers wagon and begun cramming food into my mouth with wild abandon. (Hold on, let me unbutton my jeans..... ahhh... better!)

So... this Friday I am going to bite the bullet, march into Weight Watchers, lumber onto the scale and find out what the damage is. Then, I am going to start tracking my points and start eating like a reasonable adult instead of a child locked into a candy store overnight. I hope.

Focused prayer for:

no side effects from the increased dose of Vincristine
willpower to stick to WW
better results from the next epidural
my next blog post to be more entertaining (we could all use that)

Off to see the Wizard...

2010-01-19T06:02:00.001-08:00

Today I should get the results of Saturday's PET scan when I go for chemo. Please be in prayer that the chemo is working.

A Quick One Before I Go

2010-01-18T05:44:00.001-08:00

I'm off to the hospital this morning to get a lumbar epidural. I had an MRI just before New Years and found that I have two herniated discs - one pretty bad, the other not so bad. That, in addition to the neuropathy caused by the chemo medication, is rendering me pretty much useless lately.

We bought some bar stools that I am now using in the kitchen, since I can't stand for any length of time. They've been a huge help. I'm taking Lyrica and Percocet for the pain, and am hoping to get off of both once I get the epidural done. It's just a temporary fix, but can be done again when needed.

Had a second PET scan on Saturday. I should get the results of that when I go for chemo tomorrow. We'll see how treatment is progressing then.

In other news - David changed my blog layout, so leaving comments should be MUCH easier now - give it a try!

My day so far...

2010-01-12T12:58:00.001-08:00

Go to oncology office and sign in.

Get called to front desk and told I do not have an appt because I cancelled it.

No I didn't.

Yes you did.

No - I didn't - I need to have my bloodwork done.

You had that done last week.

I know. I have it done EVERY week.

Oh, okay. Have a seat and we will work you in.

Get into room to have blood drawn and sit down.

Realize I sat in doc's chair instead of patient's chair.

Burst into tears for no reason.

Switch chairs.

Continue to cry after nurse comes back and while she draws blood. No idea why.

Continue to cry as nurse leaves to run my blood.

Still crying as doctor comes in. He puts his arm around me and pats my shoulder.

"We'll blame it on the chemo" he says. Okay.

Go to orthopedic surgeon's office.

He has not seen me in 10 years, so I fill out new paperwork.

See surgeon. I have no reflexes due to chemo. Weird, but he says that's normal.

He says he does not want to do surgery; thinks I will do better with a cortisone injection in the spine. They will call me to schedule. I ask if I can have something for the pain until I get the injection. He says "Sure - what do you want?"

Tell him I do not care as long as it makes the pain go away.

He writes Rx for Vicodin. I should have told him I've always wanted a sports car.

Go to Target. Turn in Rx and wander the store. Find cute lamp for kitchen. Find a smaller lamp for kitchen. Even cheaper. Might be too small. Not sure. Get paged to pharmacy. Return to pharmacy. Doctor dated Rx for 1/12/12. They cannot change it because the prescription is for a controlled substance. Purchase small lamp and leave.

Go back to surgeon's office and wait for new Rx. Carefully scrutinize Rx before leaving. Take it back to Target. Get batteries I forgot the first time. Pick up all Rx's. Drive home. Take printer ink cartridge out of pharmacy bag. This is not mine - have never seen it before. They charged my HSA card for it. Need to take it back. Not today. Take Vicodin. Sit down to read email.

A Christmas Tradition

2009-12-27T13:00:00.000-08:00

At our house, it wouldn't be Christmas without Monkey Bread for breakfast. This year Katherine asked me to share the recipe with Colby's mom. I told her there's really not a recipe so much as a suggestion. Here then is the suggestion, complete with photos to guide you (and Colby's mom) along the way.

This is what you will need:

3 cans of buttermilk biscuits (any brand)

1 cup granulated sugar

2 -3 Tbsp. (or more) cinnamon

1 stick butter, melted

1 cup (or more) brown sugar

Put your granulated sugar and cinnamon in a gallon Ziploc bag. You could use a bowl if you wanted to, but the bag is easy and disposable.

Shake it up well. We like lots of cinnamon - you can use however much you like. I love Pampered Chef Korintje Cinnamon, but use whatever you have. Now unroll your biscuits. These are from Aldi and they work just as well as the name brand ones. If you are Katherine, jump in startled surprise every time you pop a can open. Cut each biscuit into quarters. We like to use our Pampered Chef scissors for this.

Drop the biscuit pieces into the bag of cinnamon sugar and give them a good shake, coating each piece thoroughly. Then, pile all of the pieces into your Bundt pan. (If you do not have a non-stick pan, you'll want to spray it with Pam first). When you are through, it should look like this:

I sprinkled some of the leftover cinnamon sugar on top.

Now you're ready to make what my husband likes to call sludge. Melt a stick of butter (yes, a whole stick) and stir in about a cup of brown sugar.

I say "about" a cup because I really have never measured it. You'll want to keep adding and stirring until it looks like this:

Now, spoon your sludge all over the biscuit pieces in the Bundt pan. It should look like this when you are through:

At this point, you can either bake your monkey bread or cover it with plastic wrap and refrigerate it over night. That's what we do - it lets us get to the presents faster on Christmas morning.

Bake the bread at whatever temperature is specified on the biscuit can for about 25-30 minutes. Check the pieces with a fork to be sure that they are cooked through. (Check one just under the top layer)

Unmold onto a plate to serve, and you will see something like this:

You could easily add nuts to this recipe if you wanted to, but Katherine and David prefer it without, so that's the way we do it. This bread is delicious with a big cup of coffee or a big glass of cold milk. The leftovers (if there are any) can be microwaved for 15-20 seconds, and they'll be as good as when they were first baked.

Enjoy!

Cancer is like an ogre....er....onion

2009-12-23T17:59:00.000-08:00

It's got layers. Cancer is huge, and when it gets dropped on you, initially you feel the whole crushing weight of it. Friends tell me they don't know how I handle it. Well, the thing is.. you don't handle all of it at once. You peel off the layers, and you deal with each one as it comes. Sometimes they make you cry.

The first layer of my onion was the diagnosis and the tests and the surgery. They all came together in one big thick layer. I was still reeling from having the whole thing dropped on me and I stumbled through it blindly, feeling my way, putting one foot in front of the other cautiously, trying not to fall off the edge of the earth.

Chemo was one of the next layers. And chemo itself is an onion... lots of layers of it's own. Side effects - the ones you expected and the ones you had no clue about. I expected my hair to fall out - something that really hasn't happened to any great extent yet. Every morning I get into the shower and give it the Dirty Harry treatment - I rough it up and ask it "Do you feel lucky, hair? Well, do you? Are you gonna hang on to the scalp for one more day?" So far, it's proved to be as tough as the rest of me. We're all hanging in there.

The side effect I didn't expect was the peripheral neuropathy. Nerve damage. One of my chemo drugs is causing it. The side effects?

pain
burning
tingling (or a "pins and needles" feeling)
muscle shrinkage
weakness
balance problems
trouble with tripping and stumbling while walking
loss of feeling (numbness)
decreased or no reflexes
increased sensitivity to temperature (usually cold) or pressure, so that things hurt more than usual
constipation
trouble passing urine
blood pressure changes
trouble swallowing

Nice, huh? And I'm having... oh, let's see... all but the last three and the decreased reflexes. In other words, I'm limping, stumbling, tripping, stiff, in pain and constipated (when I don't have diarrhea). Medication helps a little, as do the electric zippy carts in the store. (Plus, they're just so darned much fun to drive!) Today I got back into the gym which helped a little too.

Okay.. so the next layer. This is the one I peeled off recently. Length of remission. Somewhere along the line, David and I both "heard" that a standard remission period for my disease would be 3-5 years. (Non-hodgkins follicular lymphoma is incurable.) Last week, my oncologist told me that he would consider a "good, long remission" for me to be a year to a year and a half. Wow. It took me several days to process that information. I couldn't even ask anything else after hearing that because it filled my whole consciousness, pushing out every other rational thought I might have had. The rest of the day kind of passed in a haze, and I spent a fair amount of time reflecting on my own mortality.

Let me say here that I am a Christian. I have been born again in Christ and am assured of my place in Heaven with my Lord and Savior. I know without a doubt that this life is not all there is. That said, I am not ready to die. I am not nearly through with this life, and I intend to fight like a tiger to grab as much time as I possibly can. So, I tossed that layer aside and went out for coffee with my girlfriends. Girlfriends and caffeine are gifts from God. Never doubt that.

The next layer? We're waiting until after the holidays to peel that one off. It's going to be a consult with the doctor in Greenville who will one day do my stem cell transplant. But that's another layer for another day.

They could've danced all night...

2009-12-20T13:38:00.000-08:00

Well... Colby could have, but Katherine, as she will tell you, does not dance. Funny, but she used to. I have fond memories of her enthusiastically doing the chicken dance, the Electric Slide or whatever else you were willing to get out on the floor and do with her. She won a dance contest at the cheerleading banquet when she was in fifth grade. You could take her to a wedding and she'd dance with anyone - with everyone! "I was little then." she would tell you if you brought this up. She's not little any more and now she does not dance.

So... she and Colby went to the band dance in all their finery. And Katherine spent twenty minutes texting her mother. And trying to get the chaperones to let her go outside and get her Chapstick. Because apparently her lips hurt real bad. Ah, mad youth. That's why it's best left to the young.

She sure did look pretty though.

A baby Gamecock is born!

2009-12-20T13:26:00.000-08:00

From the moment Katherine toured the USC Columbia campus, she knew she was destined to be a Gamecock. Was it the Strom Thurmond Fitness Center? Was it the spacious dorms? Was it the twenty seven on campus dining options? Was it the cute guys jogging across campus in their shorts? Maybe it was a little bit of all of the above. Anyway, she applied. And she waited. Acceptances and scholarship money poured in from other colleges anxious to woo her, but she held fast. She waited.

One December day, her friend Nicole from down the street went to get the mail. When she saw her acceptance envelope, she raced down to our house to alert us. Katherine and I flew to the mailbox. Yeah, I totally beat her. I'm fast like that.

And there it was - the long-awaited envelope! Yes!

And that's how Gamecocks are born.

The Christmas Party

2009-12-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

Yeesh! I was just looking back over some older posts to see where we left off, and boy howdy is that an unattractive picture of me back there! Apparently when I am semi-conscious and lying down, all of my neck fat slides over to the side in a big bunch. Bleah. Oh, well -- you've all seen it by now, no sense in deleting it. I DO look better when I'm awake and upright.

Anyhow.... when we talked last, I was having some problems with a pinched nerve in my leg. I found that as long as I didn't try to do too much, it was manageable if painful. Last Friday was David's Christmas party for work and I rested up so that I'd be reasonably pain free, because I did NOT want to miss Casino Night. We went, we gambled (not for real money) and we had a ball. I played roulette perched on a bar stool and hit on lucky number 27 (my birthday) at 35-to-one odds!

We ate delicious food and I got to discuss deep cerebral issues with Mr. Biggs, who also shared with me a wonderful iPhone app that I was previously unaware of, but that is so useful in SO many situations. (I love talking to you, Jeff - you always make me laugh!) I also got to meet the lovely Stephanie who told me that she reads my blog and loves it! Thanks, Stephanie - you made my night. I'm so glad they didn't card you at the door and find you were under age! Also - a shout out to Dan, who arrived late because he was at an event for the Lymphoma & Leukemia Society - I wish we'd had more of a chance to talk, and thanks so much for raising money for the cause!

By Saturday, the pain was back with a vengeance, and I could no longer get out of bed or to the bathroom by myself. I wasn't sleeping well - every time I moved, the pain woke me up. David was due to go out of town on Monday and we were both a little concerned about how long I might be able to go without peeing, eating or moving while he was gone. We figured that 18 hours was likely to be pushing it a little. I'd called my family doc's office Friday morning, and was told that they couldn't call in a prescription without seeing me (although the doctor had just seen me that week and we had just discussed this issue), and couldn't see me until Monday.

David took a chance and called the oncologist's office. One of the docs in the practice (not my doctor) called us back and SAID THAT HE WOULD SEE US IN THE OFFICE ON SUNDAY. Yes, on Sunday. I am overwhelmed and amazed at the level of care that the Carolina Blood and Cancer Care center provides. I don't know if cancer patients everywhere receive this kind of care, but they should. I am blessed indeed.

Dr. Patel met us at his office on Sunday morning. He was thorough, gentle, kind, caring and every other good adjective I can heap upon him. Upon examining me, he determined that I do have sciatica; probably aggravated by one of my chemo meds - Vincristine. He started me back on some Prednisone and gave me a prescription for Lyrica. I'm still in pain, but I can get out of bed again, and trips to the bathroom have once again become a solitary activity.

Dr. Naidu and I talked on Tuesday when I went in for my second round of chemo. He asked if I wanted to continue the Vincristine or try something else. I opted to go for one more round of it before making a decision. I want to see how well the pain is managed by the Prednisone and Lyrica before changing what seems to be the best treatment protocol for my condition. I can deal with some pain if it's for the greater good.

Cancer goes on holiday!

2009-12-10T07:41:00.000-08:00

Last year, I didn't do much baking because I had just started Weight Watchers (for the third time) and did NOT want temptation in the house. I found that I sorely missed the baking - not just the eating. This year, I decided I would make some goodies to share with friends. I'm finding that chemo makes sugary treats less of a temptation, so it's all good.

On Monday, I made up a batch of White Chocolate Peppermint Oreo cookie bark to take to the nurses at the Chemo Palace. So easy and so good.

Start with some peppermint candy. Doesn't really matter what kind. I used ribbon candy, but you could use candy canes or whatever you happen to have on hand. Put them in a Ziploc bag, take something heavy (like the can of delicious Virginia peanuts your husband's boss sent home) and smash them up good.

This, by the way, is way too much. I'm not sure what I was thinking.

Next, take 14 Oreo cookies (or thereabouts), put them into another Ziploc bag and break them up. Don't mash the heck out of them like I did... it makes the bark kind of grey looking. It still tastes good, but doesn't look all that great. Just break them up into small pieces.

See what I mean about having way too much peppermint candy? I have enough left over for at least two more batches.

Now, take a package of vanilla candy melt (I think it's called Candy Quick). It comes right in it's own microwaveable tray - I found it at Bi-lo, but at this time of year, I'd imagine they have it everywhere. Melt according to the package directions, and pour over your broken Oreo cookies. Dump a big handful of peppermint candy in too, and stir to combine.

Pour out onto a cookie sheet lined with waxed paper and allow to set until firm. Cut into squares and share!

See what I mean about the over-smashing of the Oreos making the bark a little dark looking? Don't do that. Now, grab a cellophane bag and some ribbon, add a cute, hand-stamped tag and you've got a great little gift to share!

The nurses loved it, and asked for the recipe yesterday, and pretty soon all of us ladies there at the Chemo Palace were sharing recipes and baking tips and having a grand ole time while the chemo dripped on.

Catch Up Day

2009-12-10T07:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's been a while since I posted, and I have lots to catch up on - look for multiple posts today!

First though - my prayer this morning.

Thank You, Lord that I have the energy to do my laundry and scrub my sink.

Thank You for allowing me to bless my family by making our home a place of comfort and sanctuary where they can return at the end of their long days to be refreshed and renewed.

Thank You for being there at night when I need You most; when I can confess my deepest fears and doubts and know that You are there to hear them and remind me that You have a plan for my life. You knew that this day would come for me while I was yet in the womb, and You will see me through it. You care for me as no one else can, and I can lean on You, count on You, seek respite and comfort in You. Always.

Lord, if it be Your will, allow me to use my experience to somehow bless others who may be struggling; to know that they are not alone, and that there is so much life and love even in the midst of illness, that each day and each small victory is a cause for celebration!

Amen.

Celebrate this day.

Some days it's hard to be funny...

2009-12-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

As hard as I try to stay upbeat and positive, there are days when it's hard. Days when I want more than anything to be able to DO things, and I'm just not able to. Yesterday was one of those days.

I've been having some persistent hip and leg trouble since before my diagnosis. It's been hanging on for about two months now and worsened pretty dramatically over the last few days, to the point where standing, sitting and walking are all pretty painful. I wake myself up at night because it hurts to roll over - even more to get up to go to the bathroom. David is having to fill Fred's water bowl because I cannot bend over to pick it up off of the floor.

I saw my family practice doc yesterday, and he says I've pinched a nerve. He also thinks my swollen lymph nodes may be contributing to the stiffness and soreness. He suggests I'll feel better when I start back on Prednisone next week, and then probably worse again when I am off it. In the meantime, I'm coping with the help of some muscle relaxants and the Vicodin they gave me on Monday. My chest is tight too, due to swelling from the port placement. That's actually a good thing - I was afraid my chest was congested - I really do NOT want to get sick the week before chemo starts again. My lungs are clear though, so that's not a concern.

Anyway, I'm kind of a wreck physically right now. I went to the grocery store yesterday after my doctor's appointment with a relatively short list. I didn't even make it through the produce section when I knew I'd made a mistake. My right leg was dragging, my weight balanced on the handle of the shopping cart as pain shot through my hip. I waited for my order at the deli, doing some deep breathing and trying to focus on anything other than how badly I was hurting. I was also trying to look as normal as possible, not wanting to draw attention to myself. The woman at the deli counter asked "How are you today?" and I responded brightly "Great, thanks!" while thinking "I don't know if I can stand here long enough for you to slice my half pound of ham and provolone. Would it be wrong to lie down on the floor?"

I did manage to get all of my groceries in the cart, through the checkout line and into the car. I had to physically lift my leg into the car before closing the door, and then sat there shaking and sweating for a few minutes before driving home. I got the perishables in the house and put away, leaving the rest in the car for Katherine to get later and collapsed on the couch. That's it. Done for the day. One lousy trip to the grocery store and I'm drained. How about the laundry that needs doing? The sink that needs scrubbing? The dog that needs walking? Forget it.

I know that this is temporary. I know that. That doesn't make me feel better right now, though. This is my JOB we're talking about here. Taking care of my family and my home. Lately, I am not doing a stellar job of either one. That makes me angry. Anyhow... some days it's just hard to be funny.

And playing the part of the Bride of Frankenstein...

2009-12-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

Another day, another surgery. This makes three if you're counting. Which I am.

I got my port put in yesterday so that I don't have to keep getting stuck every time I have chemo or a procedure or a blood draw. It was an outpatient procedure done at the surgical center by the same doctor who did my lymph node biopsy. I like his neat, precise stitching so I decided to let him cut me again. It's not like I had anything else planned for the day. (Like eating, which I did not get to do until about 4:30 pm).

The port, which is properly known as a PowerPort, is triangular in shape, purple in color, and about the size of a small matchbox. It is a catheter that is implanted under the skin of the chest and inserted into a blood vessel. That's where they will put in a needle to give me chemo or to take blood. I also got a nifty key chain and a purple rubber bracelet to go with the port. These are to remind me to tell my docs I have a port. You know, just in case I should forget that there's a big purple thing stuck in my chest. They told me that I would be able to see a small bump under my skin where the access point is, but I still have the area bandaged, so I haven't seen anything yet.

What I do know is that this sucker hurts worse than anything they have done to me thus far. The memory of the procedure itself is lost somewhere in the land of Versed. I remember nothing. What I feel, however, is pain. Ow. I'm glad they put the port on my left side instead of my right, because I can barely lift my left arm. And today is better than yesterday. I have a big bandage from my left armpit, up to my shoulder and across to my cleavage. There is no hiding it under anything but a turtleneck, and I could not possibly care less. There's a big wad of bandage peeking out of the neckline of my shirt. Only slightly more distracting is the odd one-handed hairdo I created this morning. The right side looks normal, but I couldn't really reach the left side, so it's looking a little (lot) flat. Whatever. I didn't shave my legs this morning either, in case you were wondering. Please - do not email me and ask me out. I know I sound irresistible, but I am married.

This dog is not to be trusted.

2009-11-29T15:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, he looks cute, doesn't he? Don't let that innocent look fool you. He is, in fact, a Puppy of Mass Destruction.

This evening, we came home from dinner to find Fred in the midst of what looked to be a cooking experiment gone awry. He had removed a 5 lb. bag of flour and two one-pound bags of powdered sugar from the kitchen counter and liberally applied them to the dining room carpet.

When we saw the snowy scene, all eyes turned as one toward the culprit, who was standing on the sofa bright eyed and eager, whiskers full of flour, slowly wagging his stub of a tail as he gauged our reactions.

Last week, it was a loaf of bread torn open in the living room. We later found that he had secreted parts of the loaf in various places throughout the room for later consumption. There was some behind the television and still more under a sofa pillow. He triumphantly presented a wet chunk to my husband several hours after we thought we had cleaned it all up. Fred is nothing if not generous.

Fortunately, flour and sugar, while impressively messy, are not toxic to dogs and are relatively easily vacuumed up. Our trust issues, however, will take longer to resolve.

Hair today...

2009-11-29T06:04:00.000-08:00

I knew this was going to happen and I thought I was well prepared for it. Still, when I noticed hair falling onto the pages of my book as I absently ran my hand over my scalp, it was a little surprising.

I'd firmly stated that I was not interested in getting a wig when we discussed hair loss at the oncologist's office. I planned to rock my bald head - to celebrate the death of cancer cells that would take my hair with them.

That's still my plan. And yet, the sight of those hairs was shocking. It took my breath away. I didn't cry then... I carefully closed my book and brought it upstairs to David so he could document the loss on film. Then, as David held my hand I teared up, trying to shake it off and failing.

I'm re-thinking the wig now. I won't wear it all the time... it's just that there are times I might want some hair. Times when I just want to blend in and look like everyone else, and not be Cancer Warrior Wendy. A little security blanket of hair, if you will.

Say WHAT???

2009-11-23T13:30:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning with a full-blown case of something or other. Throat hurting, ears hurting, sinuses burning. Yuck. Although I am prone lately to thinking that every little twinge I feel is caused by chemo or cancer or both, I was pretty sure this was just regular old sinusitis. Which is sort of a comfort.

I called the oncologist's office to ask if I could take some over the counter cold medicine, and to my surprise, Dr. Naidu got on the phone himself! Wow - calling the doctor's office and having him get on the phone is like calling the North Pole and having Santa talk to you! Maybe there's an up side to this whole cancer thing!

So, we chatted a bit, Dr. Naidu and I. Yes, this is probably "regular" sick as opposed to cancer sick, and yes, I can certainly take some Tylenol Cold. Good to know. He wants to know how I've been feeling, and I tell him about my brief 15-hour nap after shopping on Saturday. He asks if I've finished my course of Prednisone yet and I tell him no, that today is my last day. He says "Well, once you are finished with the Predinisone, you will probably notice that you have less energy." WHAT??? Less energy than someone who TOOK A 15 HOUR NAP AFTER A TRIP TO THE MALL? Are you KIDDING me?

I'm trying to picture what less energy than that will look like, and I really can't. I already despise the lack of energy I am feeling now. I don't like not doing things. I want to be doing things. I need to be doing things. Christmas is coming, darn it, and I HAVE THINGS THAT MUST GET DONE!

And the very instant that I have this thought, God speaks softly to me, saying "I have already done everything important that has to do with Christmas. I did it a long time ago. All you need to do is accept my gift and celebrate it."

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Yawn... stretch.... what day did you say it was?

2009-11-22T17:21:00.000-08:00

Woke up Saturday feeling good. We'd planned a trip to the mall with Katherine and her boyfriend. I needed to find an outfit for David's holiday party at work, and Katherine was wanting to try on a coat she thought she might want for Christmas.

I found the outfit pretty quickly, checked out Katherine's coat - very cute; we'll order that online since they didn't have her size in the color she wanted at the store. We had lunch at the food court, where I made Colby trade me some of his gyro for some of my stromboli. I'm noticing a weird taste to things lately - kind of metallic and off. Even water tastes strange. The gyro was particularly good, but by the time I was going to make him give me some more, he'd already finished it. Darned teenage boys.

After lunch, I was starting to slow down a bit, so David and I sat and people watched for a while so that Katherine and Colby could shop some more. It was nice to have some quiet time with him, and nothing needing to be done by either one of us but enjoy the other's company.

I did take a quick peek into the Christmas store, which was conveniently situated right behind where we were sitting. I picked up something for Katherine's ornament collection, and saw what I am convinced is the weirdest, creepiest Christmas ornament in existence. It is a bare-chested, suspender wearing fireman with the tail of a mermaid - er... merman. Don't believe me? I found a picture of it online - ha! Prepare to be totally weirded out. Or... to start singing "It's Raining Men" if that's your pleasure.

Told ya.

Anyhow, we got home at about 4:30 pm, and by 5:00 pm I was sound asleep. Woke up at about 3:00 am to let Fred out and then slept until 8:30 this morning. Nearly 15 hours if you're counting. And yet I've been exhausted all day today. I sure hope this passes, because there's a busy week ahead. Last week when I saw the surgeon, I decided to go ahead and get a port a cath implanted in my chest to make chemo and bloodwork easier. I have bloodwork at the oncologist on Tuesday, pre-op for the port on Wednesday, trip to Greenville for Thanksgiving on Thursday and then hopefully nothing on Friday. On the 30th, they'll do outpatient surgery to put the port in. I'm tired again just thinking about it.

Focused prayer requests:

more energy
that my sore throat and sinus symptoms will go away
for David's Uncle Bobby who passed away yesterday after his battle with cancer

And in the darkness of the night...

2009-11-21T06:46:00.000-08:00

Comes an unexpected blessing, wrapped in pain as so many are lately.

When your children are little, you are constantly touching them. They love to snuggle in your arms and be held. As they grow older, your opportunities to hold them grow fewer. They move away from your hugs more quickly.. their kisses are more brief and less moist. By the time they are teenagers, moments of touch are fleeting and sorely missed.

At a little after one o'clock this morning, seventeen year-old Katherine came to our room in an agony of pain and tears. A bad foot cramp had woven it's way into her dreams to wake her. I woke to find her standing next to our bed crying.

She came to me for comfort and healing; something she rarely needs from her mom as she nears adulthood.
And in the humblest way possible, God blessed me with the ability to provide her with relief. I took her foot in my hands, and massaged away her pain, whispering gently to her all the while. "It's okay. Shhh... It's okay." The words of every mother to her baby... holding her, loving her, my heart full with this unexpected gift of service.

P.S.

2009-11-19T14:10:00.001-08:00

Why isn't anyone leaving any comments on my blog, darn it?

(they said the chemo might make me cranky)

Welcome to Crazytown. The Queen is in...a mood.

2009-11-19T14:06:00.000-08:00

So, what do you do for fun after chemo? If you're me, you go on a crazy cleaning jag. You also get very cranky because somebody used your Swiffer vac and then instead of plugging it back into the charger in the closet, they stuck it out in the garage to die a quiet death. I don't want to know who did it, because then I would have to kill them. And since it is quite likely to be someone who lives here, I really don't want to do that. I'm kind of attached to these folks.

So, instead of killing anyone, you (me) drag out the vacuum cleaner, mumbling under your breath about people who never put anything back where it belongs and why am I the only one who can ever remember where something goes in this house. Then, you (me) proceed to vacuum the entire downstairs, wet Swiffer the kitchen floor, dust everything in sight, water the plants, spray Febreeze on the spot where the dog always pees, light some Yankee candles and eat two cookies. In the interest of self-preservation, of course. You are, of course, doing all of this so that if you do get nauseous, your house will be nice and clean for it. Because nausea likes a clean house, and besides, if you have to look at a messy house, you will assuredly become nauseous. You also drink lots of fluids because it's not good for the chemo drugs to sit in your bladder for any length of time. Of course, since you (me) are nearly fifty, you tend to pee eighty times a day anyway, so there is little danger of this. Just thinking about peeing makes you have to pee. Hold on - I'll be right back.

Anyhow, you also stop by the hair salon to hug your friend and then go next door to the nail salon to make an appointment to have your acrylics soaked off because you're pretty sure your new schedule is going to be keeping you pretty busy. You invite the girls over to play cards tonight, hoping you are not going to be sick by then. You also hope you are not going to be sick tomorrow when the surgeon takes out your stitches, which is totally gross and would probably make you a little queasy even without chemo. You admire your needle-free arm and think you are starting to look like a junkie. You're not really sure what a junkie's arm looks like, having only seen one on TV, but you are pretty sure it looks something like your own arm. You think about how much you are going to enjoy taking a shower without first covering your arm in plastic wrap.

You blog a little, and admire your own sense of humor.

Focused prayer requests:

no nausea
no nausea during suture removal
no nausea

Thought for today...

2009-11-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

From the devotional "Jesus Calling" that my friend Joey thoughtfully sends to me each day.

LEAVE OUTCOMES UP TO ME. Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me. When our path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help. When we come to a resting place, take time to be refreshed in My Presence. Enjoy the rhythm of life lived close to Me.

You already know the ultimate destination of your journey: your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me.

Psalm 27:13-14, Exodus 15:13

Me and Dr. Naidu

2009-11-18T19:40:00.000-08:00

This is me with Dr. Naidu at my first office visit after hospital discharge. If he thought it was weird that I wanted to have a picture taken with him, he didn't let on.

A heaping helping of boredom with a side of the shakes...

2009-11-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day of treatment - Rituxan day. Rituxan is an antibody treatment that targets the lymphoma cells and kills only those cells, unlike chemotherapy. It doesn't work on all kinds of cancer, but has proven effective on the kind that I have, so we are adding it to my treatment regimen.

I arrived at Carolina Blood & Cancer (catchy name, huh?) at 9:00 am, and was soon tucked away in a huge recliner, where I would remain for the next eight hours. First, (you guessed it) yet another IV was started. The nurse found what she termed a "really pretty vein" and set out to get it. Unfortunately, my veins have all gotten wise to this kind of treatment lately, and this one decided to go into hiding - sliding all around the needle as the nurse tried to get in. I had my foot tucked up underneath me and was twisting the leg of my jeans up into a sweaty fist to take my mind off of the proceedings. It didn't work. Another nurse was summoned and a smaller needle procured - this one sliding almost effortlessly into the vein. Whew. Have I mentioned that I hate needles?

For the next three hours, I was infused with Benadryl, saline solution and finally, Rituxan. Since this was my first Rituxan infusion, they started me at a low rate, gradually increasing it every half hour after checking my blood pressure. I busy myself with magazines, email and music. For excitement, I wheel my IV pole to the rest room. There's no Wi-Fi connection - thank goodness for my iPhone. Friends text me to let me know I'm in their thoughts, and I am able to catch up with my Ruby friends. I am amazed at the number of people who are praying for me - it's a wonderful feeling.

Around noon my flow rate was adjusted up again. All of a sudden my throat started to hurt. Then my ears felt funny and my nose got stuffy. And then the chills started. It's a cold that starts from the inside and spreads out. The nurses were really quick to cover me with warm blankets, as was the sweet wife of the patient next to me. One of the nurses makes me a cup of hot herbal tea. It tastes like floor sweepings, but it's warm and I am very grateful. Before I knew it, Dr. Naidu was there checking on me. The Rituxan was stopped, and the saline turned up. Pretty soon the shaking slowed down, and I was able to eat my PB&J sandwich - best thing I have ever tasted. (Yes, I know the tenses are messed up in this paragraph, but I'm too tired to fix them. Deal with it.)

After a while, the Rituxan was re-started and I was able to tolerate it with no further problems. By 5:00, I was packing up all of my stuff and heading for the door. By 5:30, I was shaking uncontrollably again, teeth chattering, muscles tight. David tucked me into bed with the heating pad and a pile of blankets. That helped after a while and I was able to sleep for a bit after eating about four bites of chicken chow mein - all I could manage. It's 10:18 pm now, and I am feeling fine.

Tomorrow, I start my Prednisone and head back to the cancer center for my chemo - Cytoxan and Vincristine. It should be a much shorter visit this time - the nurse told me I'd probably be there for about an hour and a half. Good news, but I am dreading the side effects. Praying mightily. Good night all!

A day in which good news is received and sort of appreciated.

2009-11-17T16:05:00.000-08:00

Today I have an appointment with my oncologist to discuss the results of my bone marrow biopsy and PET scan. The bone marrow biopsy shows no sign of cancer - that's a good thing. At this point, I start to cry. I was pretty much convinced it had spread to my bones, and I am almost afraid to believe that it hasn't. I remember reading my mom's pathology reports after she died, and seeing the seemingly endless list of places where her cancer had metastisized. I have been afraid (and truth be told, still am) that the same thing will happen to me.

The PET scan shows that the lymphoma has pretty much spread throughout the lymph system, but no other organs are affected. Another good thing. My cancer should be responsive to the antibody treatment, Rituxan, that we discussed at my last visit. That's the one with the mouse protein. Still more good news, and David is really pleased. My survival rate has gone up to 90% at five years out.

We do want to set up an appointment with the transplant doc in Greenville, just to establish a relationship if I should need his services down the line. He is the person who would do a stem-cell transplant if my cancer is recurrent or does not respond to treatment. Dr. Naidu says he will have their office call us.

"How soon do you want to get started?" Dr. Naidu asks. "Right now!" I shoot back at him. "What are you doing tomorrow?" he asks, not missing a beat. Man, talk about quick on the draw...

"I guess I'm having chemo!"

We discuss the pros and cons of having a port put in for chemo, and I decide not to do that right now if the nurse thinks my veins look good. I'm a little nervous about this, since the nurse at the hospital blew one of my veins when I had the bone marrow biopsy. My arms are sore, and I'm getting needle-shy. Dr. Naidu doesn't pull any punches - he tells me I'm going to be getting stuck a lot over the next six months. I will be having two chemo sessions per week, two days in a row, and then will take Prednisone for five days. This cycle will repeat every three weeks.

One nurse comes in and draws some blood, and then another nurse comes in, pronounces my veins good enough for an IV and shows me around the chemo area. I spot a red curly wig sitting in a basket on the floor and comment on it. "That's a donated wig - we often get wigs and hats donated, and we just put them in the basket for patients to take." Okaaay... as if I needed a clue that this was not a regular doctor's office...

There are lots of recliners in the chemo room she shows me, and an alarmingly large number of people in them. I am just a little freaked out by this. I'll be here for about six hours tomorrow; longer than usual since it's my first time, and they have to start with a low dose of Rituxan and gradually increase it to see how I will tolerate it. After this first time, they can start me at the full dose and it will go quicker. Tomorrow though, I will be bringing a lunch and hanging around for most of the day. Thursday should be a shorter session - 3 or 4 hours.

After we leave the doctor's office, clutching drug info sheets, David takes me out and buys me chemo presents - headphones and a lap desk so I can use my computer to watch movies comfortably during my appointments. We also go to the library so I can check out a stack of books. I want to make sure I have plenty to keep me occupied tomorrow.

When I get home, I'm reading emails. One of my Ruby friends asks me if I'm scared about the treatment. (Raquel - I am so glad you asked.) I respond:

Yes, I am scared. Especially for this first time because even though they gave me the paperwork with the side effects, I really don't know what to expect - KWIM? The doctor said each patient can have varying side effects, and differing levels of severity. I really hope that mine are not too bad. I am scared at the thought of poison going into my veins. I know that this is what I have to do in order to send the cancer into remission, but I don't want to do it. I want to just get up tomorrow and eat breakfast and clean the house and make a list for Christmas shopping this weekend instead of wondering if I will be sitting with my head in the toilet by the time Saturday rolls around.

David is really excited that the cancer has not spread to my bones or other organs, and I (somewhere deep down inside) am too, but right now, I am mostly scared. Really scared. Will you all pray really hard tomorrow?

And then I start to cry. When David comes downstairs, I'm in the kitchen rolling out the pizza dough. He can tell I've been crying and I tell him "I don't want to have to be happy that the cancer hasn't spread to my bones. I want to not have cancer." He knows. He holds me tight and whispers that he wishes he could take the chemo for me. I know that he would if he could.

Katherine comes down and asks if I'm okay - my eyes look red. I tell her I've been crying a little, and she says she has been too. I hate cancer. I really do.

Focused prayers for: minimal side effects of chemo

God is great, camping is good, my friends are crazy...

2009-11-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

And I sincerely thank Him for all of the above.

On Thursday, I went to the hospital for my bone marrow biopsy. I was a little scared at the prospect of it. I had been assured that it would be less painful than a kidney stone, which was pretty meager comfort. Kidney stones hurt. After the fact, I've had people tell me it was the most horrendous thing they've ever had done - yikes! Glad they told me that after.

I was NPO (nothing by mouth) after midnight the night before the procedure. By the time we got to the hospital, I was trying to barter with the nurses for coffee. Nothing doing. I offered blood, which they took anyway and still didn't give me coffee. I was thinking of telling them I had cancer, but I figured it wouldn't do any good. They probably already knew.

My doctor was very cute, which I understand does not effect the procedure in any way, but it sure is nice to have a handsome man to look at while you're being told they are going to drill a hole in your bones. In addition to my husband, of course. Who is very handsome. In case you were wondering.

Anyhow, they gave me some very, very nice medicine which promptly knocked me out cold. I'm told it doesn't have that effect on everyone, but I sure am glad it did on me. I remember nothing whatsoever about the procedure itself. David says I looked rumpled and sweaty when I came back to the recovery room, which suggests I may have had a rougher time than I remember, or that I completely lost my inhibitions and was chasing the cute doctor all around the OR - take your best guess.

Anyhow, I went home around lunchtime and proceeded to sleep the rest of the day away.

On Friday, my girlfriends and I had some Mexican food for lunch, packed our bags, hopped into the car and took off to go girl camping. Girl camping, in case you were wondering, consists of:

building a great big fire with some help from the nice man at the neighboring campsite
roasting marshmallows over said fire
playing lots of cards
reading and staring up at the trees a lot because it's so beautiful
wearing bras on our heads (doesn't everyone do that when they go camping?)
going back into town midway through the weekend for a PET scan (they don't do that either? Are you sure?)

Yes, on Saturday afternoon, the two best girlfriends anyone could ask for loaded me up and drove me 30 minutes back towards town so that David and Katherine could pick me up and take me back to the hospital. Then, they waited for me to be done and hauled my butt back to the campsite. They could have just said "Hey, why don't you just come camping with us another time, so we don't waste four HOURS of our weekend hanging around waiting for you." They could have, but they didn't. They ROCK. More about the PET scan later. I have to finish putting the groceries away.

2009-11-16T06:05:00.001-08:00

And there was dancing, and singing, and movin' to the groovin'

2009-11-11T08:12:00.000-08:00

This morning, I turned on the 70’s music station to keep me company while I do housework. I want to finish as much as I can today because I have a bone marrow biopsy tomorrow at 8:00 am, and I’m not sure how “uncomfortable” I’m going to be after that.

The music was too good to resist, and pretty soon I was rocking out in the living room, much to the dog’s apparent amusement. Ha – like he has any rhythm. I’ve always loved to dance… it reminds me of being at Boston’s on the Beach with Andre and Taylor back in my single days. We’d dance all night – just me and my two best guy friends in the world. I remember doing the Chicken Dance at Oktoberfest with Katherine too when she was very little and loved to dance with her mom. I can’t help but wonder when I’m going to be feeling good enough to dance like this again. I want to remember to do it every chance I get.

After I got my diagnosis, my friend Kathy was the one person I really wanted to talk to. We’ve been friends for more than twenty years, but had lost touch for the last few, right after she was finishing up her treatment for breast cancer. Kathy and I have done just about everything together – working at the same job, dating, shopping, French lessons, marriage, kids – and now, if I could find her, I knew that she would help me do cancer. I knew that she would understand my fears and anxieties, and that she would be the perfect person to laugh and cry with, and to celebrate the fact that we are both alive today, no matter what happens tomorrow.

I found her through You Tube of all places, and left a message for her. She called me yesterday, sounding just the same as always, and my heart immediately swelled to ten times it’s normal size. It was like we’d never been apart. She gave me some chemo tips, advised against a wig (they’re uncomfortable, and as Kathy says, hair is overrated anyway), and talked about our seventeen year old daughters. Kathy also told me something I’ve been thinking about since yesterday. She suggested that when I pray, or when others offer to pray for me, to ask for specifics. I like the idea of focused prayers very much, so I thought that I would start journaling here about what my prayer specifics for the day are. If you would like to pray for them (and me) too – I’d be ever so grateful.

Prayer specifics for today:

that my cancer has not spread to my bones or elsewhere in my body

· that I will be able to be productive after my biopsy tomorrow and move through the discomfort

· that I will feel up to going camping with the girls this weekend

· that I will not freak out too much about chemo

· that I feel like dancing a LOT more before I leave this world, and that I am able to

Okay… had to get up and dance again – “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love” by Barry White. And half way through, I found myself reaching up to Heaven and singing it to my Father – Lord, I can NEVER get enough of your love. You make me dance and sing, and you own my heart.

We're off to see the Wizard...er... oncologist

2009-11-10T14:59:00.001-08:00

10November09

Today, I saw the oncologist. We are in the process of staging my cancer. Sounds kind of like a Broadway show, only not as much fun. So far, it’s looking like a Stage III or Stage IV low grade follicular lymphoma, which David says sounds like a hairy kind of a cancer. As you can see, we’re all trying to maintain our sense of humor here.

There was talk about antibody treatments, stem cell therapy, chemo, markers… I don’t care for the lingo and I don’t want to learn it, but that doesn’t seem to be an option. It appears as though I, the woman who could never learn a foreign language, is about to become fluent, or at least conversant in Cancer.

I have added two more appointments to my burgeoning social calendar. I’ll have a bone marrow biopsy this coming Thursday and a PET scan on Saturday. That cuts into the middle of my girl camping trip this weekend, but we’ll work around that. Priorities.

The oncologist tells me there is an 80% survival rate at 5 years across the board for patients with this type of cancer, but he says it’s not unreasonable to hope for way more than that. I do. From what I understand, there is no "cure" for this type of cancer. Instead, I will probably go into remission and then at some point in the future, there is a likelihood of recurrence. I told the doctor that I have a 17 year old daughter at home, and that I wanted to attend her wedding someday and hold her child in my arms. It’s good to have goals. J

Day Two

2009-11-09T11:10:00.000-08:00

Wednesday is a day where a lot happens, and at the same time, nothing much does. From my perspective, I have been poked, prodded, catheterized, injected, sampled, studied, and drugged. I have had my personal space invaded by the kind and caring nursing staff and flashed my butt at same nursing staff when I got up to brush my teeth with my gown flapping open behind me. People keep asking about my pain, but I really don’t have much. Probably due to the generous supply of Dilaudid provided by my doctors, of which there now appear to be about seven. There’s the hospitalist who saw me in the ER, the new hospitalist I was handed off to upon admission, a surgeon, a urologist and an oncologist, none of whom I have yet had the pleasure of meeting. Or at least remember meeting. What’s to be done with me? I’m not sure yet. It’s pretty clear that an 8mm kidney stone is not coming out of an opening the size of… well, it’s a small opening. At least not without some help.

I’m tired… dozing off a lot and not able to focus on reading the book David brought me or watching television. I’m in a delicious drug-induced kind of a haze, where the hospital bed is more comfortable than any I have ever slept in before. The nurses are great – so sweet, so wanting to make sure that I am doing okay. I love them all. Especially Rahima, who lets me brush my teeth and take a shower. How wonderful.

It’s after 8pm by the time I know what the plan of action is. I’m scheduled for surgery at 7:00 am with the urologist, who will use a laser to blast my stone, catch the pieces in a basket and then put in a stent. Then, if the surgical schedule can be tweaked, I will be moved from the cystoscopy room to a regular OR, and the surgeon will remove a lymph node or two in order to make a definitive diagnosis of lymphoma or something else. The oncologist says we shouldn’t jump to conclusions, and I try not to, but I already suspect that the ER doc was right. It will be easier (for the surgeon and for me) for him to take the lymph nodes from my groin rather than laparoscopically from my abdomen. We’re hoping the schedule will permit both surgeries to take place under the same anaesthesia so as to avoid putting me under twice. The anaesthesiologist comes by about an hour later to let me know that we are A-OK for both surgeries. Boy, these people work late. I am so grateful for all of their hard work. I can’t help but think that schedules like theirs have got to be hard on their families and their personal lives.

My nurse tonight has a daughter Katherine’s age who is also in the band at Rock Hill High. She’s so wonderful, and I have a nice time talking with her about the girls and band. David and I promise to email her some pictures we took at a competition a couple of weeks ago. It’s good to have a normal, non-medical conversation. She removes my catheter and the extra IV line from the inside of my right arm (where it is driving me crazy). Earlier that day, they put a new IV line into the back of my left hand. Hurt like the dickens when they did it, but that’s a much better place to have it.

After midnight, when the nurses and doctors and techs have gone and my room is dark, a few lonely tears escape. I’m not afraid of the surgery – somehow I know that will be okay. It’s the bigger, darker thing that looms out there that frightens me.

And thus endeth the second day.

Flash Forward

2009-11-09T10:32:00.001-08:00

These posts are kind of like a movie I saw that started at the end and kept flashing back further and further to the beginning – just a bit confusing and hard to keep track of.

Fred is home from the vet – last night he ate a huge bowl of cat food when he snuck into Katherine’s room. Cat food has too much fat in it for dogs to digest, and he made himself good and sick. The vet pumped him full of fluids – he literally looked like he was wearing a jacket made of water. His back wobbles when he walks. They also gave him something for the nausea. He may have pancreatitis from his celebration of gluttony – we’ll know more within the next 24 hours. He just threw up again, but seems otherwise better if somewhat subdued. He’s chilling on the sofa with a blanket over his water hump. Poor Mr. McFrederson.

While David was at the vet, I got a call from my surgeon. I told him I’d just been admiring his work, and he seemed amused. We exchanged some small talk about my incision, it’s healing process and my follow up appointment with him on the 20^th. He said he had my pathology results and asked if I had spoken with anyone about them yet. I told him I hadn’t; that I have an appointment with the oncologist tomorrow, but that no one would give me any info over the phone. I said “I guess you don’t want to do that either.” He replied “I will if you want me to.” I did. And he did. “There are two types of lymphoma” he said. “Hodgkin’s and non-Hodgkin’s. You have non-Hodgkins lymphoma.”

“Thank you so much for telling me” I said. “I really needed to know. Now I can move on from here.” I like Dr. Crain. He’s a little on the dry side and very serious, but he gave me a precious gift – information. Now I really do feel as if I can proceed. Now that the diagnosis is in place, the plan can be formulated. I am a planner, and it gives me some measure of comfort to know what’s coming.

I email the Rubies (more about my personal flock of angels later) and some other friends to let them know the diagnosis. I’m not hiding this – the more people I tell, the more there are who can pray for me and ask their friends to pray, and their families, and their churches, and their paper boys and checkout clerks and their postmen and anyone and everyone they know who will take a moment to pray for me and for my family. If you are reading this, would you mind saying a little one right now? Thanks.

Back to the beginning...

2009-11-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

Up until now, I think I’ve been handling this whole thing pretty well, if I do say so myself. Of course, feeling that I have been covered with a warm, fuzzy blanket of prayer has helped immensely. I’ve prided myself on staying calm and focused, retaining my sense of humor, and just taking the one necessary next step at a time.

Let’s back this train up to last Tuesday, so you can see where it all began.

I’d been having some pain in my back and hips lately, and attributed it to arthritis. I’d never had arthritis in my hips, but I do have it in my hands, and at nearly 50, it seemed reasonable to assume that it might be spreading, exacerbated by the cooler, wetter weather we’ve been having. I was having trouble getting warmed up at the gym – I was stiff, and it didn’t seem to go away. I started doing more stretching and less circuit training, but I just couldn’t get loose.

It was the first Tuesday of the month – stamp club. I was prepared (for once) and had already completed my project to share. I’d made two hybrid cards; a combination of traditional paper crafting and my new Digital Studio program – something I was in the process of getting certified in. I was excited to show the girls at club what I’d done.

I was also in my traditional pre-that-time-of-the-month cleaning frenzy. The laundry was all done, the floors mopped, bathrooms cleaned – the house was looking good. I knew it was “that time” because I was cramping, although the pain seemed to be only on one side, and was stabbing right through to my back. At 4:00 pm, I took a couple of Tylenol and lay down for a while with Fred. By 5:00 pm, the pain was gone and I got up and started dinner.

Although I didn’t have much of an appetite, I ate a pork chop and had some fruit. I went upstairs and put on my makeup, getting ready for club. The pain started coming back – quickly, taking me by surprise. It was 6:30 pm, and I told David I wanted to lie down for a few minutes and see if the pain passed again. About fifteen minutes later, I asked him to call my friend and tell her I wasn’t feeling well, and would not be at club. By 7:00 pm, I was in the bathroom crying and admitted to David that I probably needed to go to the hospital.

By 7:30 pm, I was in a wheelchair in the ER, crying softly and writhing from the worst pain I had ever experienced. The waiting room was crowded with people waiting to be triaged. Many were wearing surgical masks as a precaution against the flu. I was embarrassed to be crying in front of everyone – they were all eyeing me uncomfortably – but I just couldn’t stop. David told me later that he was toying with the idea of wheeling me outside and calling for an ambulance from his cell phone so that they would see me more quickly. During this whole ordeal, I felt the need to keep apologizing for the inconvenience. David has been travelling almost non-stop for the past three weeks, and the poor man just got home Monday night.

By 9:30 pm (and here I am relying on David’s time line, as mine is somewhat blurred) I have seen a doctor, had a CAT scan and felt the blessed relief of IV Dilaudid. They’re pretty sure I have a kidney stone. I had heard the pain from a kidney stone was worse than labor pain, and I had always maintained that anyone who said that had never experienced a labor pain. I was wrong. I’d take labor any day.

Some time later that evening – I’m thinking maybe 11 pm or so – the doctor came back in with the results of the CAT scan. I did have a kidney stone – a huge 8mm stone – the cause of all my pain, and as it turned out, one of the greatest blessings of my life.

The kidney stone that caused the pain, that brought me to the ER, that got me into the CAT scan machine also caused another surprise to be revealed – lymphoma in my groin and abdomen. Maybe it was the pain meds, or maybe it was the total unreality of the words, but I took the news with complete calm and maybe even a little nonchalance. The ER doc explained that lymphoma was a very treatable cancer, and that if he had to choose a type of cancer to have, lymphoma would be the one to go for. He tells me “I’ll be honest with you – it’s going to be a rough couple of months, but this cancer has a high cure rate.”

By 3:00 am, or only a few doses of Dilaudid later, I am tucked into a hospital bed and sleeping soundly. And thus endeth the first day.

It's too much

2009-11-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

Monday, November 9, 2009

10:00 am – This morning I completely lost it. Fred (my rat terrier) is sick – cold, shivering and vomiting. I don’t know what to do, so I call David crying. This is his first day back at work after being at the hospital with me for the last three days. He hasn’t even been in the office for an hour yet, and I am calling him to come home. I don’t have a car today, so I can’t take Fred to the vet myself.

David doesn’t hesitate – he tells me he’s on his way as soon as I tell him what’s wrong. I wait the 20 minutes or so it will take him to get here, still in my bathrobe, rocking and crying and begging God to please not take my dog. David arrives, lifts Fred gently from his crate and prepares to transfer him to his carrier when Fred vomits again – nothing but foam. He leaves with Fred and I stumble to the shower, where I completely break down. “It’s too much” I sob to God. “It’s too much.”

I notice that my hands are going about their business; washing my hair, soaping my body, skimming gently over the suture line where the surgeon closed my leg back up after removing two very enlarged lymph nodes just four days ago.

Four days ago my life was normal. Then, within 24 hours, it went spinning out of control, leaving me here, shaking and crying, wet and naked, begging for God’s help. I know he is there, but I can’t feel him just now.

First cup of the season

2009-09-29T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful, breezy 65 degrees here today at a little after noon. I've just come back from a jog down the street with Fred (my rat terrier) and I'm sifting through the paperwork on my desk. All of the windows are wide open and I am loving the first cool day we've had this Autumn.

A cup of tea seemed like the perfect way to usher in the seasonal weather, and I realized as I was making it that this is my first cup of hot tea this season. I'll be enjoying endless cups of hot tea from now until Spring warms the air again next year. But first... just a few moments to savor this one.

Relocating... sort of

2009-09-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

I know, I know.. I have been TERRIBLE at keeping up with my blog. I've been wanting to give it a makeover, but not sure quite what to do. This is what I have ended up with - for now.

If you are wanting to follow my stamped projects, please head over to my new stamping blog, which you can find at:

http://www.everydaystamper.blogspot.com/

If you want to hang here and keep up with everything ELSE going on in my life, feel free to stick around - I would love to have you.

Thanks!
Wendy

2009-06-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

Wow! I just got my first blog award from Penny Duncan of Penny Duncan Creations. I'm thrilled, because I love her blog and it makes me happy that she loves mine right back! The requirements for the award are to:

Post it on my blog, and
Share it with whomever I like.

Wow... there are so many blogs out there that I love. Stay tuned for an update to this post when I'll tell you who I am sharing it with.

Happy Birthday, Shelly!

2009-04-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

Last night, we celebrated my friend Shelly's birthday at Chili's. Since Shelly is a Stampin' Up! demonstrator, and MY Stampin' Up! demonstrator, AND my upline, the pressure was really on to make her a good card. (And did I mention she's my best friend too?) So... I happened to be reading my e-mails and found a link to this cool idea for a tri-shutter card:

http://stamperjoyce.blogspot.com/2009/04/experimenting.html

Thanks for the great idea, Joyce! We had a great time at dinner, but I ate way too many chips with salsa, and will be working those off in the gym for the rest of the week.

The card may look complicated, but it's really not hard to make at all. As usual, supplies are from here and there. Solid pink paper from SU! (Pink Pirouette), patterned paper from DCWV Nana's Kitchen Stack, cupcake die from QuicKutz, rub-ons from American Crafts.

Thanks, Peggy!

2009-04-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

Peggy Ireland over at http://stampingwithpeg.blogspot.com just celebrated her 10,000th blog hit by giving away some blog candy, and I was one of her lucky winners.

Peggy had us post a comment telling her what our favorite set from the Stampin' Up Occasions Mini was - mine was Forest Friends. Those little critters are too, too cute.

I got the choice of some great SU! products and chose the Fleurettes - something I've been wanting to play with for a while now.

This is the first time I've ever won blog candy - how exciting! Thanks, Peggy!

LNS Challenge #15 - Bollywood Bouquet

2009-04-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

I made this card today for a challenge on one of my Yahoo groups - Late Night Stampers. All challenge items must be made with only current Stampin' Up! product - a challenge indeed for me, as I like to use a little bit of everything on my cards and pages.

The theme for this challenge was "3D flowers". I went through my stash and pulled out the first flower set that caught my eye - True Friend. I seem to be inspired by India lately and the dotted style of this set reminded me of mehndi - Indian henna tattoos. I went with the Indian inspiration and used some of the spicy In Color hues for the card.

My embellishment is a narrow piece of Pacific Point CS, which I stamped in Versamark with one of the flowers from the set. I heat set the ink, then wet the paper and crumpled it up. I smoothed it back out a bit and scrunched it into the shape I wanted before attaching it to the card. I also did some needle-punching to carry through the dot motif.

It's definitely not my normal style (according to DH), but that's why I love doing challenges - they stretch my imagination and make me think outside the box. (There's just so much more room out here!) Hope you like it.

I Want It All! (an invitation)

2009-04-13T09:23:00.000-07:00

When it comes to craft supplies, isn't that how all of us feel? Like we just have to have everything out there? Unless you have an unlimited budget, that's pretty much out of the question.

I recently signed up under my friend Shelly to be a Stampin' Up! demonstrator. They were having a fabulous promotoion, and offering so much stuff at a great price that I just couldn't resist. Now, when I signed up, I knew I didn't want to do home parties. For one thing, I've done it before and I just didn't enjoy it (another company, not SU). For another, I can't drive at night (cataracts) and I get really, really freaked out when I have to drive to an unfamiliar place. So... parties were pretty much out for me.

Still, I liked the idea of being a demonstrator, and I really wanted to do Shelly proud and be the best downline ever. So... this morning, inspiration struck. (Stick with me, this does get more interesting!)

I would start a group of ladies (and maybe even gentlemen) who, like me, want all of the ribbons and all of the buttons, and all of the other wonderful stuff that Stampin' Up! has to offer. I would offer that group of folks the opportunity to do a "share". That's where "x" number of people sign up, each pays for a share, and each gets a little bit of all of the ribbons, or all of the buttons, or all of the paper. This way, if there's a color or supply challenge you want to do, you can be sure you'll have just enough of everything on hand to be able to participate. I'll be sure to offer shares on all of the fabulous new SU stuff as soon as it's available so that you can get it right away.

Sound like fun? I thought so too. So... I have created a Yahoo Group called Stampin Up Shares just for this purpose. I'll be announcing the first round of shares tonight. Want to join in? This is your official invitation. There are no minimums, no limit to how much or how little you must participate - just jump in when you see something you like. Click the purple Yahoo Groups box at the top of the sidebar to join - I promise it'll be fun. I'm planning lots of surprises... gifts, give-aways and more.

Bloggy Excitement!

2009-04-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

Okay... here's a bit of gushy fandom. I love, love, love Tina Smith's Cherry Hill Cottage blog. I've been reading it for a good long while now. There's always so much there to fuel the imagination - it makes me smile every time I visit.

Anyhow, the blog is listed on my sidebar as one that I follow. I was looking at changing things up on my blog, and worked up the nerve to e-mail Tina to see if there was a blog button for CHC that I could use on my blog.

And... she e-mailed me back! No, there's no button, but Tina Smith e-mailed me!!! And she said..... (dramatic pause).... she said she thought my blog was cute! Wow. What's next -
Kristina Werner calls me up to say she likes my cards? A girl can dream...

Finally - a new SVG!

2009-04-11T18:26:00.000-07:00

I actually made this SVG a while ago, but haven't posted it to my blog until now because I hadn't made a sample of it. I know I always like to see what I might do with a particular file before I download it. Otherwise, I could end up with hundreds, nay, even thousands of svg files on my computer, and we certainly wouldn't want that, would we? (innocent look)

Anyway, I had some paper scraps on my work table that were left over from Kristina Werner's color challenge. I also happened to have a brand new set of Marcella acrylic stamps that I got on clearance at Target. The set is called Icon Stamps. (Did you know that K & Co. makes the Marcella line?) It's not much, but it will give you an idea of what can be done with this nifty little label and frame. You can download the svg file by clicking HERE. (I noticed after I took this picture that my cut was a bit rough. I probably should have either cut slower or changed the blade in my Cricut. )

As always, all I ask in return for my free files is that you post a comment if you download, and that you not share the file on any bulletin boards or groups. Instead, please share a link to my blog so that others can visit. Thanks!

Color Challenge

2009-04-10T19:21:00.001-07:00

There's a first time for everything, and this is the first time I've submitted a project for one of Kristina Werner's color challenges. I guess this one is particularly appropriate for me, as it's Challenge #49, and I will be having Birthday #49 in June.

The first time I saw these colors together, I was looking at whole sheets of 8 1/2 x 11" paper and honestly thought "Oh good grief - what a horrible combination! (I hadn't seen the paper swatch on Kristina's blog until after I finished my card - it's actually quite pretty when the scale is right.) The card kind of put itself together, which is a bit unusual. I generally agonize over them a little more.

All supplies are by Stampin'Up! - colors are Kiwi Kiss, Pacific Point, Rose Red, Whisper White and Basic Black. I used Versamark with the SU! chalks, and Whisper White grosgrain ribbon. The stamp set is Always, and the sentiment is handwritten.

Floral and ribbon and sponging, oh my!

2009-04-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night is stamp club meeting at my friend Shelly's house. Each month, we make cards according to a pre-determined theme and share them. Apparently, several of us were asleep at the wheel when it came to writing down the themes for these last few months of club. Thus, no one has been quite sure what the theme is lately. For this month, some of us wrote down "floral", some wrote "ribbon", and still others have something completely different!

I wanted to make sure I was covered on all bases, so I did a floral-sponged-faux stitched card embellished with ribbon.

All supplies are from Stampin' Up! Papers are: Very Vanilla, Pretty In Pink, Kraft and a patterned paper from a 6 x 6 SU paper pack. (I can't remember if this was in a mini catalog, or was a gift with purchase - sorry!) Inks are Old Olive and Regal Rose. Stamp sets are Best Blossoms and Warm Words. Ribbon is Whisper White grosgrain.

More Tasty Treats

2009-04-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

I just can't get enough of these studio g cupcake stamps -- I used another two sets in the series on these cards.

The cupcakes on the stand are a nod to my love of Jadeite and Fire King. I'm a collector of vintage kitchen items and serving pieces, and this cake stand is one I would love to own!

The second card is a tribute to my Grandma Ineson, who asked me what kind of cupcakes I wanted for my ninth birthday. I promptly replied that I wanted pink cupcakes with purple frosting. Unlike the other adults in my life, who would have said "You don't want that - pick something else" my Grandma complied. For my birthday (celebrated at camp) I had pink cupcakes with purple icing, and everyone loved them.

So, here's to you Grandma, and to all of us getting what we want even if it's a little out of the ordinary. Especially if it's a little out of the ordinary.

Tasty Treats

2009-04-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

Just got a handful of these cute-as-a-button clear stamp sets from studio g. This particular one is called Series 27 (great name, huh?) and was designed by Kirsten Peters McGrath. You can find the set (and several other cupcake-themed sets) in the dollar section at Michael's. This set comes with three images and one word stamp as shown above.

I baked up these little goodies last night at my friend Shelly's house. The images are all stamped on watercolor paper, and colored with Stampin' Up!'s watercolor pencils and blender pen. (My new favorite way to color!) All paper is from Stampin' Up.

They're Out To Get You

2009-03-24T13:06:00.000-07:00

Fat cells, I mean. The ones you've lost and you think are gone for good? Nope. They're still hanging around invisibly, wreaking havoc in your world whenever they catch you in a moment of weakness. Case in point:I've lost 32 pounds since last Fall. I go to the gym 5 days a week, and Weight Watchers once a week. This weekend, I fell off the wagon. No gym from Friday - Monday. Eating everything in sight. Stuff I haven't had in months and months. Chicken wings, raw fries dipped in ranch, ridiculous stuff. Today I wake up with a new resolve. I have a nutritionally balanced, low calorie breakfast and head into the gym. Great workout. Feeling good.

................and this is when it happens.

I go to the bank to make a deposit, and there, on the counter in front of me

...............................wait for it.............................

No, not those benign lollipops, but a bowl of REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS! Not the little ones - the full size mama jammas.

..........must.........not...........look...........at..........peanut........butter..........cups.

I am now shaking and starting to break out in a cold sweat that has nothing to do with my workout at at the gym.I make the deposit and run for my life.

Next stop - the grocery store. Produce department - safe haven for the calorie conscious. I breathe a sigh of relief and start tossing stuff in the cart. Some celery, cauliflower, broccoli, carrots.... some hummus in the deli department, some cottage cheese in the dairy department.

That's when I see the sign."ICE CREAM - BUY 2, GET 3 FREE!!!"

Are you kidding me? I race-walk the cart safely past the ice cream display and head for the checkout counter. Whew. Safe at home plate! Or not. The cashier rings me up, and my receipt prints out, along with a handful of coupons. I glance at the one on the top of the stack - $1.00 off Starbucks Ice Cream. Arrgh!!! I tell the cashier about my narrow escape in the ice cream aisle and we both laugh. Just then, the machine spits out another coupon. For Little Debbie cakes.

It's the fat cells. They miss me and they want me back. I can hear them now, whispering "c'mon..... step back over to the dark side..... it's so delicious over here...."

For today, at least, my answer is "Get lost!". But I know they'll be back.

Sweet Easter Project

2009-03-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already visited Mary Rudakas and Leo Kowal's site - www.svgcuts.com/blog , you need to! They have amazing files to cut with your Cricut and SCAL. My latest favorite is this adorable bunny house. There are two great tutorials on the site that will walk you though the cutting and assembly of the entire project. The files cut beautifully, and the instructions are foolproof. Best of all? Free samples! Hop on over and check them out.

Love is in the air!

2009-02-24T14:08:00.000-08:00

My DD gave her boyfriend this Love book for Valentine's Day, including pictures of the two of them on it's pages. She elected not to tie the spine with ribbons, as she thought it might make the book a little too girly.

Want to make one? I've already done the "hard" part, so you can just download the file and go to town with your Cricut and Sure Cuts A Lot. Click HERE to download the zipped files.

Want to learn to make your own word books? Click HERE and you'll find a great video tutorial on creating word books in Inkscape.

Don't have Inkscape? Click HERE to download it free.

Don't have SCAL? Click HERE to purchase or to find out more.

Links, links, links

2009-02-24T07:59:00.000-08:00

I've spent next to NO time creating svgs lately, because I've been finding so many fabulous ones already out there, generously shared by other bloggers. Here are some of my favorites:

If you download from these sites, please be sweet and leave the designer a comment. This is truly a labor of love, so give a little love back.

http://etceteraetcetera.wordpress.com/
http://dan99.blogspot.com/
http://dscrapbookingroom.blogspot.com/

I'd also love to hear what your favorite sources of svg or cut files are - leave me a comment and let me know!

Happy Heart Day

2009-02-16T11:33:00.000-08:00

We had a fabulous Valentine's Day. My DH sent me white roses (which I carried on our wedding day) with a note that said "To my wonderful bride..." How amazing that he still feels that way after eleven years.

Dinner was a fondue feast! We had cheese fondue to start, chicken and steak with fettucine alfredo as a main course, and yummy bittersweet chocolate fondue for dessert. Here's a peek at what we dipped. You can't see them, but there are strawberries and pretzels on the bottom tier.

Valentine Treat Bags

2009-02-10T13:37:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is one of those days when most folks go out for a romantic dinner. Not us. We'd much rather stay in and create our own fun. This year, our daughter Katherine has invited her boyfriend Colby to have dinner with us.

We've decided to repeat what we did last year, since we all loved it - Fondue Night. We'll have cheese fondue with apple and bread dippers to start, and then steaks and chicken and a tossed salad. For dessert, the fondue returns - this time with chocolate. We'll dip cheesecake, strawberries, marshmallows covered with crushed Oreo cookies and whatever else we can think of.

Katherine asked me if I would do a special table decoration for that night like I did last year. Isn't it great when your kids notice the effort you put forth to make things special? One of the items for the table will be these treat bags. I first got the idea at stamp club this month, and changed it up just a bit to fit the stamps I had. The project uses the Sizzix Top Note die, which I absolutely love. Inside each treat bag is a cello bag filled with goodies. Some are Valentine gum balls, and some are Hershey and Reese's hearts. Yum!

You say it's your bird day....

2009-02-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

Recently, a friend sent me a link to the Maya Road Design team site. On it, I found an adorable Valentine project. You can view the original by clicking on this link. My version is shown here. I don't own all (or possibly any) of the supplies they used, but I was inspired to make my own version, which I'll share with you.

Of course I used my Cricut. The heart is from the Doodlecharms cartridge. The bird is my own design. I did a rough sketch of the one on the Maya Road site, and using Inkscape created an .svg file to use with Sure Cuts A Lot. I liked it so much that I did a couple of variations of the bird as well. You can download the files here. The usual restrictions apply - please leave me a comment if you download, and please do not share the files on any bulletin boards or groups. Instead, please post a link to this blog so that others may visit.

All stamps used are from Stampin' Up. Alpha stickers are from Karen Foster Design.

Butterflies are free (no, really!)

2009-02-02T13:49:00.000-08:00

Although I live in the south where we have a relatively mild Winter, I'm still in the mood for a taste of Springtime and I imagine most of you are too.
For Christmas, my dear husband bought me the Sure Cuts a Lot software I had been gently hinting that I wanted. I'd been afraid to use it for about a month - how silly! I joined a great SCAL group on Yahoo, and before long I found myself downloading Inkscape (thanks to Dan's amazing tutorials!) and trying my hand at creating my own cut files for the Cricut. This is the result.
There are two different butterfly cut files - get the solid butterfly here and the lacy butterfly here. (The lacy butterfly cuts better if you use a slower speed and a thicker paper. )
I haven't had a lot of time to play with these pretty creatures, but my mind is going a mile a minute with all of the possibilities. I cut them from patterned paper, but you could stamp on solid colored cardstock before or after cutting. They'd be pretty embossed, flocked, glittered, jewelled... I'd love to see what you come up with!
If you would like to download these files, they are offered free of charge with a few restrictions and requests. Please leave me a comment if you download the files. And please, please don't share the files on mailing lists or groups - instead, include a link to my blog so others can browse here too.

Valentine's Day Decor

2009-01-30T13:42:00.000-08:00

I haven't started decorating for Valentine's Day yet this year, but here's a peek at what I did last year. I started by pulling out everything I owned that was red or white, and looking to see what might work. The red tin buckets came from the dollar section at Target, the flowers in them from Dollar Tree. I made the banner with my Cricut, using the Accent Essentials and George cartridges.